what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
