turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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