just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
