Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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