I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
