Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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