I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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