Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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