i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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