im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You dont lie about slip and slides
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize