cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Randomize
