I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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