hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just gargled with NyQuil
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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