The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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