I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
