New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I love having hate sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
