Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize