Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
