My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
