Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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