Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
