He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
