remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
