just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
