I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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