I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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