my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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