She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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