So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
