shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
