Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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