Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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