I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
