First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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