I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize