saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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