Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
