We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I did not marry a roomba.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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