omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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