a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
