You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
