did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
