he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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