I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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