When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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