you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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