sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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