Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
