discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
