Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
