Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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