Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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