we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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