I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
