Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
