we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
