Don't you send me to vm
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
