pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
