weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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