Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So. Much. Porn.
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