i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
