You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
