remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
