Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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