Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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