i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
