Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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