I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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