Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
