So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
