shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
