First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
