I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
