I want to have your abortion
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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