Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
