I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
