My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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