i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
