dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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