Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
