Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
