I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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