No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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