Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
