Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
