You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
