South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
