no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
